MYnotebook

WHAT?!?!?!

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 20:39:25 GMT

i pretty much hate my life right now. school doesnt start for me untill next friday which feels like an eternity away...

oh and screw trying to get a boyfriend... im dying to meet some friends because ummm i pretty much dont have any.... actually scrath the pretty much part..... i dont have any! and i hate that no matter where i go people open there mouths to me and they sound like complete and total morons..... i.e. '50 year old ladies who want the bare minerals'

yeah i know no one will no what that means its kind of an inside joke except i dont have anyfriends to share it with sooo im sure only i know about it.

im not even good at venting anymore. I HATE MY LIFE. i hate going to the mall bymyself. i hate going to movies bymyself and i hate spending every single waking moment of all of these days by myself....

i cant wait for school because..... basicly i cant wait to get out of the house.

adlkfhjadhfjadfkhjakhdfkhadf i cant even think. FUCK.

Wearing Make Up Is Bad Luck

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:56:15 GMT

So its been exactly ten days since i graduated and i have managed to put a thousand miles on my car, completely divorce all of my friends, upset my parents to the point to where i think theyll never speak to me again, and burn bridges with every person i know east of the mississippi.

i really think i am bipolar because now that i think about it my mood will shift from being happy and laughing to being so frustrated and sad that i just want to run away from everyone and in front of a train.

i also believe that wearing makeup is bad luck for me because everytime i put it on something absolutely horrible happens.

i wish my mother could understand that while i appreciate that she cares so much, cussing out everyones mothers or teachers and swearing off everyone isnt going to get me anywhere, she also refuses to let me deal with difficult situations on my own and only makes them 100 times worse. i really want get in my car and drive untill i see the ocean. not the atlantic but the pacific.

in the three days that i have been completely on my own ive spoken about 50 words (seriously thats not too many) and have had about 50million thoughts that make me wanna kill myself.

i just wanna stop everything. and start at the beginning. the beginning of everything.

hey

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 07:55:55 GMT

i cant sleep.... well im done with school and now im moving on to college, but i know that im completely the same and that the only thing that has really changed about me with in the last year or so is my location. i really would like to change though. i would love to grow up into a person that others admired, and dare i say though of as some one who is cool and maybe even attractive. and i looked in the mirror today at goodwill and realized that i need to start wearing make up.

nothings changed

Tue, 16 May 2006 02:52:21 GMT

uhhhh hey... im about to graduate... and thats it

I live where emery did.

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 22:40:25 GMT

... another ticket to add to the collection..

it really did suck for so many reasons.... because if it wasnt for that i would have had a perfect night... seriously.

ps i have brand new tickets!!

im gonna be a ballerina when i grow up

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 05:27:45 GMT

im making my prom dress tommorow or atleast im gonna start... and i cant sleep i really cant its 126 and i cant close my eyes at all, i think that maybe its because i got into berklee and i know that i cant go because its too much money and uhhh yeah alright.

harlequin boys and testosterone girls.

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 00:25:01 GMT

nothing is more fun then sitting in a dentists chair for two hours with your jaw open so wide that it starts to tremble like crazy. two hours of getting old silver fillings taken out and new tooth colored ones put in. two hours of listening to the best of death cab. yes! and i can look forward to doing that again in about a week.

and i found out that scoring a 99 in my 1st period class exam only brought down my grade. and scoring a 96 on my exam in government did the same thing. errr. but i also found out that i got an 88 on the super hard incredibly long english ap literary question/scholarly persuasive paper which counted for like 300% of our grade sooo that made me really happy. infact it made me so happy that i didnt mine getting 600 novacaine injections.

and four hours later, i still controll my upper lip. when i try to make it go down, it goes to the left. haha.

to legit to quit

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 19:38:10 GMT

ehhhh i think i ate some bad mayonese

CAN YOU SAY DENIAL TWIST

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 23:44:40 GMT

my mother went to omaha, nebraska today, and although most teenagers would be glad in that situation, i'm not because as cliche and dum as this sounds she is kinda like my best friend, because i never do anything but go to school, work out and come home.. and if i cant make it a week with out her here, i dont know what im gonna do next year...

SPEAKING OF WHICH, i decided that i do want to go to berklee really bad like crazy, because if i get in, i already know who im gonna live with and she seems like a pretty cool kid, shes like crystal except alittle bit less 'unique' (<---- in a preppy sort of way.) .....

SPEAKING OF WHICH i tried talking mom into driving up to boston with me on saturday night... (when she flys back from nebraska saturday afternoon) and driving back tuesday afternoon to have a college day and i actually think that she was feelin the idea, because for some reason my family and i have always loved boston (SERIOUSLY), but i found out that they arent allowing any kind of tours until the 28th..... but maybe then, even though it will take up more school days but i dont care....

SPEAKING OF WHICH.. my stupid school JUST started finals today and to let you guys I ACED BOTH OF MY FINALS!!!!! 100% BABY!! yeah soo what if it was just my keyboarding and government finals.... i dont care, im still proud of my self.

SPEAKING OF WHICH i dont have school tommorow because of the way the finals are... annnddd as of now, i go to school at 8:30 and leave school at 12:45 anndd on days when we have a test in 4th period ill be able to leave at 12:15 soooo hells yeah!

and uhhh this kid named chauncey thinks im on crack and this other kid has a crush on me... and he thinks i like him too hahahh

i hate my picture..

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 22:33:27 GMT

just so you know i completely just rambled on and on and on and on

whenever i talk to someone no matter who it is, i feel like they have this awesome life that i can only dream about, because mine is uneventful and dule. for example today i went into a store at the mall and got a truely awesome jacket. and as the transaction was taking place my mother, yes my mother because i hang out with no one else... because i dont know why.... i cant really say i dont have any friends because i do but its just that, well the ones that i have... theyre really really close and i, and they probably kinda feel the same way too, feel like i dont really fit in with them. and if thats not the case... the case is that we just never hang out........................
well anyway.... my mother and i began talking to the girl who worked there.... and as she and my mother would talk it was mostly them talking, i was just looking at her, seeing how pretty her hair was and how skinny she was and how pretty her face was, and how cool her clothes were and how happy she seemed with out being overly annoying and blah blah blah blah and then i realized that she is going out with the guy (just so my texas peeps know, he s the drummer of the 'band' here, and he has plugs and works at hot topic and has dyed black hair.. my sc friends know who he is) any ways...... im gonna have to sit next to him at graduation because our last names are next to eachother... and then i was like ohhhhhhh well she has a boyfriend too.... OH MY GOD I HATE MY LIFE... because I AM GOING TO DIE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY ALONE... NOBODY TRY TO ARGUE THAT... BECAUSE IT IS THE WAY ITS GOING TO BE AND I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY REALLY SUCKS.

but yeah the whole point of that description of that girl is that, yeah im sure she has a lot of crap in her life that she has to deal with, but overall she seems like shes content with it, and everything is pretty okay for her. and not just her.... but i feel like that is the case with most of the people that i encounter.

and then ......... me, im some one who really doesnt have any present hard ships nut im more crabby, sad and pissed off then someone who just had all of ther limbs amputated.... i dont understand anything.... and i dont even really know what im talking about but im sooooo bored im always boorrrreeedddd (obviously and typically)

well anyway i thought i should pay a visit to live journal...... because i like livejournal way more then myspace and uhhhhhhhhhh blah blah blah blah blashhhh

and uhhhhh

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 12:29:27 GMT

im going to gatlingburg, tennesse today. and it gonna be alot of fun, hopefully. and uhhhh weve had a snow day for the past two days... and that was really cool..... and uhhh i got to drive in this crazy 'deathwheather' and that was scarey as hell but also it was secretly quite awesome in so many ways....... and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i took the sats again and my score went up 130 points and uhmmmm................

man, im not going to prom

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 23:50:06 GMT

sooooo ive decided to be aneroxic... not really because i want to lose weight because ive decided that i like being fat.... (because when your fat, its easier to beat up people) but i want to see how long i can not eat.... think of it as a sort of zen/buddhist/mediatative/protest/nirvana thing..... i want to see how long i can controll something in my life that is as constant and important as eating.... well actually aneroxic is the wrong word... its more like... i want to see if i can go with out eating any bad foods.... i kinda wanna do something like become a veagan not because i care about the ethical treatment of animals but because only 1% or vegans are fat.... (its a fact! i read it in a peta panflet) and those fat veagans are only fat because they just started being vegans..... but uhhhhhh i realized i spelled veagean like 9million different ways.....

the point is im being kind of aneroxic for as long as i can.... WISH ME LUCK!!

ill be out before you know it

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 12:48:21 GMT

i completely have so much hatred for everything about my self and others right now.... everthing is my fucking fault..... teenagers in south carolina or no different then the ones in texas.... they all do not give a fuck about anyone but themselves. why the hell should anybody hang out with some one if theres nothing in it for them? why should anybody call me for anything i dont have a god dam car to bring them to georgia, or charlotte or any other shity ass place. oh and because i dont want to laugh about me running into a car at a greenlight five seconds after it happens im a shitty negative person.

i cried about 7 or 8 times... full fledged crying where your body trembles and your lip curls up and snot comes out your nose and you cant catch your breath... why did i cry 7 or 8 times yesterday? because everything is beginning to overwhelm me. i really hate everything about my life, there is nothing about myself that i like or am proud of, i dont have one god damn person in this world that i can confide in, im soo dam tired of treating everybody nicely, doing things for them and they wouldnt give a shit to save my life, and my parents are pissed,understandbly, but i honestly believe that no ones parents are like my own... when i fuck up on something they wont spank me or anything like that anymore, but god knows they did up untill the ninth grade, they make me feel like shit by continuesly letting me know what a big failure and burden i am to them. im never going to get into college and ill die if i spend another year here.

but mostly... i have no one to talk to, and its the worst feeling in the world to have the nerve and the desire to actually slit your wrist and bleed all over the floor untill you die... and have nobody to want to talk you out of it... because you mean something to them... but i mean nothing to everybody... but everybody means soo much to me and thats a bad combination.

in texas and colorado... there was a good 5 or 6 times that i seriously thought about and even tried to commit suicide but obviously i was never sucsessful but now im feeling like it might be a good time to try at it one more time.

oh and just to let the one or two people who might read this, i put this in live journal and not myspace because i wouldnt want to ruin kims story that she falunted all over myspace about how i 'rammed' her.. which i didnt..... maybe im in denial but i would call it a fair amount harder than a tap... but i definetly didnt ram her.... and to emphasis alittle more on that.... she wasnt even gonna stop untill i pulled over.

just felt like sharing

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 00:58:00 GMT

tommorow my dad is turning 43 and i cant help
but think about how soon ill be turning 43........

now theres only seven minutes to go

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 13:28:57 GMT

i always go to post a new blog on myspace and then when i get to the screen where you actually start typing always go to live journal to type it, im not really sure why but whatever im totally for the revival of livejournal.
anyways........

its 1818 right now i have to be at school in 12 minutes and im still in my pajamas and browsing myspace leaving comments to random people, i think im just gonna skip 1st period because im always late to that class anyways, and im tired of not being able to actualy go and dry my hair thuroughly. also im skipping first period because it seems that i left a fugsicle on my futon yesterday and forgot about it so i had to go through the lovely process of cleaning all of that up, oh yeah and i have homework to do that i didnt do yesterday because i took a nap at fricken 530 pm that i didnt wake up from..... im sure my mother must think im on drugs, and i feel like i havent seen or spoken with my dad for a week or two.

this friday my family and i are making the drive to nashville tennesse where we will spend the night and then in the morning go take a campus tour of belmont which by the way i am very excited about but have yet to send in an application, in fact i have for applications sitting on my desk and have not fully completed a single one...... i really need to do that...

The adventures of nataliewow and the ipods

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 01:09:07 GMT

So my third ipod broke for no freaking reason.... three ipods in not even a year!! can you believe it!!??!!

well anyway the first 20gig ipod was purchased at sams in houston during this whole jumbo pack promotion sale thing for 299 and came fully equiped with a car charger and an itrip (a little device that alows me to play it through the car stereo<----- the most amazing inventions in the world). welllll... that one broke from wear and tare, so i took it back to sams and got another jumbo pack because all ipods have a one year warentee (or however you spell it). so i got the new one right before we moved away and guess what happens.... my parents get me a new computer riggggghhhhhht before we move which erases alll of my music alll 3000 songs that about 50 percent of were virtually unretainable. but i got on with my life and managed to get alot of the lost songs back, cheers for downstairs computers and backing up your music.....

anyways we move to south carolina and in the process of finding a new house we have to live in an apartment so naturally i didnt bring my computer or any of my cds with me... why would i do that right,,, ive got an ipod with my entire music collection on it... well one day i trip on the curb and drop my ipod on the super soft and mushy GRASS and it just decided not to turn on ever again. so i went and got ANOTHER IPOD at sams but this time it wasnt going to be as easy as the first time.... the dont have any ipod packages annddd we dont have the receipt anndddd i live in greenville south carolina meaning theres only one sams with in like a 5 million hour drive. so during like a million weeks later, we drive up to north carolina to visit some old friends and my mom randomly stops at a sams in north carolina, buys a ipod jumbo pack and then as soon as we get back home, we drive straight to sams and returns the one she bought in north carolina.. then exchanges the broken one for it..... yeah my mom is really smart that way.

OK so the latest tragic incident goes as follows..... i go down town, me and my 'happy happy never pissed off' friends (I AM BEING SOOO SARCASTIC ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY)mess around doing absolutely nothing for like a million hours and then we make it up the 9 million flights of stair up to the top of the parking garage to get to my car i find that my ipod is frozen and wont work......... omg i thought i was going to have a hart attack. the next day (today) i gather the boxes, the itrip and the car charger and all that crap and head down to sams to go exchange it really pissed because im going to loose a good three cds worth of songs..... and the stupid red neck ladie says.... oh we dont have those anymore..... WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PLACE DOESNT CARRY IPODS ANYMORE! but she gives us store credit that is fully redeemable at wall mart so me and my dad go to walmart and the only ipod the have there is the new color ipod with movies on it... well this may sound really stupid but i didnt want an ipod with movies on it..... i didnt mind getting a colored one but i was completely content with the ipod i had but because i am a music phene i hurried up and put down the three hundred dollar gift card and left with the ipod.... i figured i would just go buy the itrip online which by the way... an ipod without an itrip is pretty much useless. well i open it up and im like 'alright this is kinda cool' but then i realize that the plug where you plug the itrip in is completely different then the one i used to have....... makeing me really mad.... and now im gonna have to go spend approximatly 60 dollars to go buy something similar to an itrip, only the one that i can get has a hole bunch of wires and crap and its just stupid!!!!!!

and pretty much the same thing happened with my phone except i had my old one for three years (it had awesome pictures of bands that i will never be able to get back), .....the new phone is ugly and bulky.

all in all, I HATE TECHNOLOGY, but i could never live with out it.

THE END

im so fricken down that even my dad is starting to feel bad for me

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 02:03:49 GMT

you know, within this whole moving process, i have been a pretty good sport about the whole thing... and when i cry every day because im 'sooooo sad' that i dont have any friends, and that i miss my old ones, i keep it to myself. but this weekend i just started thinking about how easy it would have been to just not move, i mean i have known all along how this sucked and how it would have been soo much better if i just stayed in texas, but im reallly thinking about it now. perhaps its because i havent been doing anything at all. i go to school, come home, go to the gym, come home and then stay there. and i hate the fact that im not making more of an effort to become really good friends with all of the people over here in south carolina (infact they probably think that im absolutely....'weird, unfriendly, strange, absurd and so many other bad and weird things an unfriendly person can be) but at the same time, i just want to get through the school year with out talking to anybody and the start my life far far away in boston, despite my parents wishes, who by the way want me to go to greenville tech... (the equivelent of cyfair college, except its dumber because its a community college in the middle of south carolina, not the middle of one of the biggest cities in the united states.) i just really hate how my life is going right now, i want to just become a hermit and say ... fuck this, but at the same time i dont want to miss out on the infamous year of your life when everything is supposed to wonderful... and i hate how every few seconds im reminded of something that happened in texas that was soo great that i want to cry about it. and i really do hate how i actually do cry everyday, and sad thing is that on most days i cry on my way to school just thinking about whats going on in my life..... i know that eventually time will go on, and that things will change and that before i know it, ill be thirty two years old and liveing a life that i never thought i would be living, but right now.... everything sucks.

.......... welll uhh i know the only people who reads my live journals are sam and anna.... soo to you two, have a nice day...

the boys i meet are not refined

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 02:18:18 GMT

the boys i mean are not refined
they go with girls who buck and bite
they do not give a fuck for luck
they hump them thirteen times a night

one hangs a hat upon her tit
one carves a cross on her behind
they do not give a shit for wit
the boys i mean are not refined

they come with girls who bite and buck
who cannot read and cannot write
who laugh like they would fall apart
and masturbate with dynamite

the boys i mean are not refined
they cannot chat of that and this
they do not give a fart for art
they kill like you would take a piss

they speak whatever's on their mind
they do whatever's in their pants
the boys i mean are not refined
they shake the mountains when they dance

the best of 2005

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 20:58:23 GMT

driving home from the road at which mandys house is located i got nostalgic. i felt like i was living in virginia all over again, to say the least, the time i spent in virginia was a much simpler time.

the sky was/is grey with some white clouds taking up most of the space. and most of the grass in the large passing fields are yellow and tall and even though its not intirely to cold outside and i turned on my car heater for the first time this season. and i cant wait for it to snow. i absoultely love days like this, they make me feel poetic and litericly advanced.

autumn is my season and winter makes me even happier. and everyone will come to find that with the change in temperature, i too, shift in character. during these later months i will start listening to chiller more laid back music and feel so incredibly indie, ill start wearing all of my scarfs and blazers and gloves and hats and ill be able to sleep better at night knowing theres snow on the ground.

i love months that end '-ber' and '-uary', i guess all that im really saying is that the best months of 2005 are yet to come.

yeah welll anyway... im really excited, this is the last winter of high school and it is bound to be the best..

p.s. Mandy, Lizzie, and SAM.... you guys are so incredibly awesome and im glad i moved here because of you guys.... '<3'

its really top drowar!!!

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 13:00:04 GMT

yesterday, i had no homework so i celebrated that by hanging out with lizzie and driving around aimlessly, untill we decided to see the ashlee simpson movie. i was so excited but you could imagine the state of shock i came to when i found out that it only played for a week due to low sales.... the movie that should have been a big hit, became a flop because no one in south carolina likes ashlee simpson.... i tell you this is injustice! well after that we went to the guitar center and unconsciencely (sp?) stayed there for an hour past closing.... and i felt like a big idiot cuz this guy kept on trying to get me to buy a prs and i told him i wanted to look at a gibson and he flipped out and i flipped out even more and it was a big mess. but left and then we went to sams house..... and well, her family is very nice and to put in to one word.... they are a 'hoot'; theyre really awesome.... anyways..... we went to the mall after that and i am going to go back again to day to get a really awesome mae shirt.... its way cooler then my other one.....

welll thats about it.....

the mauldin mavericks

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 12:42:22 GMT

at this school, i wake up at 7 and have my first class at 830
at this school, i have only 5 classes and will only have 4 classes my second semester
at this school, i can take music theory
at this school, everyone is perfectly nice and friendly and everything is absolutely wonderful

but..

this school doesnt have, that lunch table in the morning with all my best friends at it,
this school doesnt have the fab four, or the juneau crew, or d lunch with all the coolest guys in the school sitting at my lunch table.
this school, doesnt have crystal hill, the most unique and awesomely best friend ever,
it doesnt have kyle or the rest of the boys and it doesnt have, shelley the most unique and awesomely crazy person ever.

but..

it does have awesome senior parking spots,
it does have a tenth grader named kyle who is almost as awesome as the original
it does have a josh cook look alike, named ray and soltani look alike, named ricky only he has a bigger nose, ohhhhhhhhh!!!!! (not to mention i saw that he drives a probe omg! (thats totally mikes car!!!) )
and it has a really really super awesomely wonderfull and awesomely super cool girl named sam

bubye

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 15:06:38 GMT

im moving tommorow

hey now

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 17:00:34 GMT

today is my 17th birthday.

sometimes

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 04:15:51 GMT

Texas, Lousiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Washington DC, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Delaware, New Jersy, New York, and Quebec.... all in less then a week.

i love my life

im putting humility on hold for a second

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 05:39:43 GMT

i would just like to say for one second that i am the one and only ..... and you can not imitate nor find someone or soemthing similar... so dont even try... people dont just call me nataliewow and nataliemom for no reason .... yeah you may think im not that special untill you try to find some one else and then youll see how great i really am.....

IM ONE OF KIND BABY!